The topic on which I am going to write today is a bit of a sensitive issue currently in my life. Love!!
Well, as one of my friends mentioned, Marriage itself is a bit of a controversial term. His opinion was that it's just a license given by the society to a couple for staying together for the rest of their lives. Well, "Rest of their lives" is a passé now. I have seen as many divorcees in my friend circle as the number of weddings. Anyways to start with I don't agree that the term "marriage" is just a social term. It means a lot to any relationship. It signifies the highest level of commitment. In this materialistic world these too is a materialistic angle to relationship. Whether you like it or not, you do want it as a part of your life.
My problem is a bit on different level. It's like this way or that way, how do you find the right person and as I had mentioned in my yesterday's status message on gtalk - "…not to find the perfect person, but to find the person perfect for you".
I have tried my hands at both the ways - Let start with Love!! Sigh!! I have not been successful in this way. Not that I haven't had crushes. But nothing ever worked out. Strangely it was always one-sided. Crushes never converted to love coz all the time either I was running after the guy or the guy was running after me. I am simply amazed by my inability to do so especially when friends around you are constantly admiring you. There is not a single person, who hasn't told me this - "Hey gal, you are great! I am sure you'll get a great life partner". I smile and secretly hope that they are right!!
Well that's my story, but on a general perspective. I see more of love marriages in the present ERA rather than arranged. But strangely if you check out the media they are saying something else. According to some studies conducted recently people are going for arranged marriages now. Well, well!! I have not seen the fact behind such news/statistics. Okay, one question here! How do people fall in love? No idea how they do, but my guess… its pure chemical reaction. I call it "ghanti bajna". What say? ;)
Now let's see the other side of the coin and that's "Arranged". Hmm, now am an experienced player there too with no difference from the result of the earlier one. I have been unsuccessful here too, voila!! : . I have loads and loads of experience over here.
I have had an opportunity of meeting guys with different mindsets. Mostly have one thing on mind - sex. But yeah have met one guy who was all the time thinking and expressing too that how would our physical relations be. Whether our pasts will affect that…!! Huh!! Dumbo, that's all I can say! Here are some stories -
The business man - A couple of guys where making business strategies when we met. "Hmm, see Beena I have got this entrepreneur in me who wants to go into business soon. I might succeed or might fail but that time you will have to work as you would be the only person earning for a while"! That's a good business plan, get married to a working girl so that you can risk some time in business!!! Oh well, that didn't go well with me, not that I wouldn't be earning or not willing to support just that it cannot come as a pre-condition.
The indecisive man - The first statement I hear from him. "Beena, this is an arranged marriage scenario. I don't know why we are sitting alone. We should be with our families and let them decide whether we should get married or not. After all if we could decide for ourselves we could have gone for love marriage" Uff!! Ye banda to puri zindagi koi bhi decision lene se pehle bolega, "Let's ask everyone what should we do!! Pani pina chahiya ya Beer!!" Gosh!! As if that was not all, he gave me his business card at the end of the meeting saying. I am a very busy guy so wouldn't be able to call you. Call me if you want to talk!! :-O
The pseudo passionate - I gave this name to one of the guys who was passionate about something and suddenly that passion vanished when he started liking me! We talked for an hour, (ya that's big for the first time and that too with families sitting in the other room). 45 minutes of that I got a lecture on how passionate he was about his work. I thought wow that's a good guy even if he is a sissy but so what!! Some things can be ignored. Okay, one more big statement - "I don't believe in love in arranged marriage." I tried to convince him that without any kind of love or liking you would never say yes to a girl. Well, that went down the drain as he had counter and counter arguments. Okay, you win. (I never mentioned that I lost. I don't care what he thinks right now ;) ). I said NO for that guy as I thought our professions were two ends of a pole which never coincide. Now, here's where the "Pseudo" word comes into picture! He offered to leave his job and get a job wherever I am. :-O Passion kidhar gaya? If he can leave something that he has been passionate about all his life just in one meeting, there are chances he will leave me if he finds something else that fires his passion!!
The total hypocrite - "Beena, I don't like hurting people so I will never tell them anything that they would not like even if they are hurting me". How sweet!! Yeah yeah!! You'll always burn in your heart and kick the other guy's ass from behind!!
Well, those are some of the stories. Stories that highlight how difficult it is! People say you have to be practical. My friends who are married through this system constantly advice me on how you have to make compromises and say yes if the guy sounds/looks good, family is good, financial situation is good. Just go for it. I am sure many will defer with me on some of the scenarios mentioned above. But yeah, you have to be in someone's shoes to understand that. And that goes for me too. I am not against this system. Just that it isn't doing any wonders for me. It's like a goody good date arranged by your family. Where everyone is prim and proper and people talk only about good things that happened to them in life!!
I guess I sounded like I am against arranged and in for love. No re, for me it's not against anything. Life has surprises stored for you at every turn of the road. Just that now it's a long road and with lots of turns my cars petrol is running out. I am keeping my fingers crossed and hoping to find that special one. Love still hasn't happened to me by any chance!! Or as my friend says it…. Love is still to happen!! :D
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